6 days ago
I've got 7 kids and my ‘mum brain' is my superpower – harness yours to turn chaos into calm
DO you ever feel like your brain has a million tabs open?
It's how Hannah Keeley, 56, a life coach, mother of seven and author of Mom Fog: 8 Steps To Overcoming Mom Fatigue Syndrome, describes 'mum brain'.
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You're trying to function and run a home where several humans live, with constant distractions and pop-ups: 'I need to get petrol, I have parents' evening tonight, there are no healthy snacks in the cupboard and now the dog looks unwell...'
Left to run wild, mum brain can lead to overwhelm, forgetfulness and stress.
'We talk about a woman's body changing in pregnancy and after giving birth, but the biggest change is actually going on in her brain,' says Hannah, who did a TED Talk on the phenomenon in 2024.
Science has found the brain changes once a woman has a baby.
'Your brain has adapted to help you cope with the survival of others, while also trying to survive yourself,' says Hannah.
'Whether your kids are two weeks old or at school, your brain will prioritise their happiness and survival — and that comes with a long to-do list that plays constantly in your mind, causing an almighty overwhelm.'
You're never going to be able to silence that, but you can work with it.
'I'm 56, with seven grown-up kids, and I still have mum brain,' says Hannah.
'It might seem like it's causing you all sorts of issues, but if handled right with all the hacks, mum brain could actually become your superpower.'
Here's how to turn it to your advantage…
Scans reveal exactly how having a baby changes you for 2 years after birth
Interrupt inner dialogue
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You may have 100 things to do, but when your brain is racing or you're starting to feel overwhelmed, it all feels much harder.
'We have to learn how to interrupt the dialogue in the brain, because it's incessant,' says Hannah.
She suggests using an external stimulus to disrupt your thoughts — like a hairband on your wrist that you ping when you feel yourself boiling over or falling into negative self-talk.
Or set an alarm on your phone every hour as a reminder to take a deep breath and ground yourself.
'I wore a whistle around my neck and would blow it every time I'd hear that dialogue and feel the anxiety creep up,' says Hannah.
'I blew that whistle a lot!'
Give 'chunking' a try
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Mums don't always get the luxury of a routine, as you never know what to expect on any given day.
'When we have children, our lives cannot have a routine like before, so we become 'routine divergent',' says Hannah.
'Suddenly, we don't know what time we'll be woken up, what mood our kid will be in or if they'll eat at the time you've planned.'
So use ' chunking ' to give yourself some structure.
'Say: 'I'm going to exercise tomorrow before 12pm', instead of planning a workout for 7am.
This flexibility prevents you from panicking when things don't work out — and it's not your fault if they don't.'
Prep to avoid overwhelm
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Another mum-brain trait is constantly needing to make decisions, which comes as part of an unpredictable day.
Hannah says to use 'mum prep' for anything you can control now.
'Anything we can do for our future self is one less decision to make in the moment,' she says.
'When you're not surrounded by kids or in a high-stress situation, think about anything you can do to make tomorrow's moments easier.
Lay out the following day's outfit or the kids' clothes so they're ready in the morning.
Set up your mug with a teabag and fill the kettle ready to go when you wake up.
Cook a dinner you can freeze to make two or three future meals.
Choose the workout you want to do and save it on your phone.'
She also suggests prepping an activity for the kids so they have something to do when they wake up or get home from school.
'These mini mum preps are key to helping ourselves avoid that in-the-moment overwhelm,' says Hannah.
Imagine the best-case scenario
It might sound like a big ask, but try stopping your brain's wild imagination and instead focus on the best-case scenario.
Hannah says: 'A lot of mum-brain noise comes from us having a huge imagination because we're in constant survival mode for our kids.
Our brain often shows us the absolute worst-case scenario — resulting in some pretty awful thoughts.'
Whether it's: 'What if something bad happens to my child at nursery?' or 'They could catch a serious illness and die,' we've all been there.
'Hack your brain and imagine the best situation instead,' says Hannah.
For example: 'I'm taking my child out for the day and they're going to love it and make memories,' or 'They'll learn life skills at nursery while I'm recharging.'
Remember your power
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When you're feeling down or lonely about how hard parenting can be — and we all have those moments — remember how amazing you are.
'Your mum brain is intuitive in a way no one else's is,' says Hannah.
'You can see things happening to your child before they happen, sense when they're sad, need a nappy change or are about to have a tantrum.
It's like a private club no one else can tap into.
Give yourself a break and realise how incredible you and your brain actually are!'
Share the load
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Wondering where your partner comes into all of this?
'Instead of trying to constantly get them to understand the mental load, delegate,' says Hannah.
She recommends a Sunday-evening meeting to talk about the week ahead.
'Tell them directly: on Monday night they pack the kids' sports bags, Tuesday they pick the kids up from school, Wednesday they run the vacuum round.
Give them a clear job.'
It would be great if partners just took the initiative, but they're not mind-readers.
Hannah also suggests using a codeword to signal you're close to overwhelm and need help now.
'Make it something funny — that will also help lower your stress levels,' she says.
